Remembering...

Being humorous is one of my personality. Even though there are two minds, but both of them have humor sense. So friends around me always laugh when I'm around, because I'm crap talking. That is something that I do whole-heartily, which wasn't my mask effect. I always try to make the atmosphere bright and light, even though I'm a silent man. Making people happy is easy, but making myself it's like never at all.

The only times when I'm truly happy is when I play with my favorite rabbit Blackie. Blackie is different from many other rabbits, although my other two rabbits, Whitey and Brownie was also quite special. I bought him at Taman Megah's pet shop, noticing that Blackie looked different from the others, and was looking at me. I urged my mother to buy him, but she refused at first. When I saw one child is going to pick him, I rushed forward and told her that Blackie is mine. My mother lost to my persistance and finally resigned and bought him.

Blackie recognizes my appearance and voice. Whenever I call him his ears would perk up and he would stand up facing me with his cute confused face. Whenever I let him out of his cage, he would climb onto my thighs and paw at me before going for his free walk around. Blackie was just an ordinary mixed bunny, but to me he is special. He's far more beautiful than any other rabbits I've seen, including a RM 783 Mexican bunny which looked quite beautiful but still lose to my Blackie. He had perfect black rings drawn nicely around his eyes, and a stripe of black which splatters slightly down his back. He was very energetic, and likes to do binkies whenever he runs. He's just so cute that even family fights dissipates at his cute actions.

He once broke his leg when trying to jump down from his cage, which my silly second sister put him on it. I still remembered that moment very well... His eyes bulging and if he could make sounds he would probably be screaming by now. I cried for the first time after 5 years of being tough and I broke down completely. Thank god my second sister was there and she did all the procedure of admitting Blackie into an animal hospital. During the operation I was silently crying all the time, even though I've already trained myself not to show my emotions. Finally when the operation was done and the vet said that Blackie was fine, I rushed into the ward room and looked for Blackie. He was still in shock, but was in no harm. He looked so pitiful and at the sight I couldn't help but cried for the hundredth time.

After two months of complete rest, Blackie recovered. He was still energetic and cute. My sisters also became more affectionate towards him. I'm the happiest, of course, and play with him everyday after school. I thank the heavens for saving Blackie and decorating my dark life with some lights.

 After some time Brownie was suddenly pregnant, and bore seven little baby bunnies. We were in a mess, since we don't know how to do. Then, we resolved into putting those baby bunnies into a box laid with soft clothes inside. We couldn't let them live with Brownie because she would accidentally step on them, thus ending their lives. My mother bought several packet of animal milk that was used for feeding baby animals and a mini bottle that was suitable to feed the baby bunnies. I transformed into a milking daddy afterwards, feeding them thrice a day and used up an hour when feeding them. With my infinite endurance and patience, the bunnies grown up quickly into cute little bunnies. My sisters were thrilled at that, and played with them, neglecting the other three adult rabbits. Only my father and I took notice of them. The seven bunnies were ( according to birthing time) Diamond, Crystal ( Snow White ), Silver, Snoopy, Grey ( 全灰), Poker-dot and Donkey. They were all very energetic, just like their father, Blackie. Yes, Blackie was their father. The proof is there's once when my second sister was outside, my elder sister in the toilet and I was busy studying for PMR, Brownie and Blackie actually came out from their cages and did " that". It was in a matter of minutes, we didn't expect Brownie got pregnant. From them I like Crystal the most, because of her beautiful eyes and her features was just like a Princess. Plus she was completely like her father, with rings around her eyes and s stripe down her back, only the patterns' color like her mother, light brown. She was only the size of my palm, very tiny and cute.

The moments pass by very quickly, though we enjoyed it. When the bunnies started to grow bigger, my mother decided to give them to other people. I resisted, but had to give in for the lack of cages in our home. So I started looking for caring and loving owners, including my friends. But none of them were, or they already have a pet at home. Luckily there's a lady from the recycling society saw the bunnies at asked my mother about them. She then took away Silver and Donkey, but Donkey passed away after several weeks. She send my mother a picture of Silver, which he looked healthy and happy. Seeing that there's nobody wants to take care of them, my mother sent them to a pet shop. After that there's no news of them. I then return my full attention to Blackie.

I thought Blackie would stay with me forever, but he didn't. My mother, who also likes Blackie very much, insisted to send Blackie to a rabbit farm at Bukit Tinggi, Pahang after sending the little bunnies. I was infuriated at that, but keep my posture calm and tried to talk with her. Her excuses were unconvincing, persisting that if we keep the rabbits any longer their fur would cause damage to our lungs. My excuses were since we like him, no, should be love him that much we should take care of him for the rest of his life! More over we spent RM 1000 plus to save Blackie, we shouldn't just dump him there like that! But old people were too stubborn to listen. They turn deaf whenever we win over them in the discussion. I almost stormed out of the house, wanting to crush open the door, including the gate outside. I wanted to smashed everything that blocks in my way. Why old people was just so stupid at these things? If it is really love, then we should keep Blackie, even though there's a risk of getting lung cancer. There's many other ways to prevent us from inhaling much of their fur, but if we send them there we don't know how are they going to live there, and are they going to suit themselves at the rapid changing weather there? My father was even worse. He didn't even care, even though he likes Blackie very much also. My sisters cried and pleaded, but my mother was too hard-headed. I wanted to knock some senses into her head, telling her that we should keep Blackie if we love him, not send him away.

Nevertheless, to keep this family in pieces, I have to send him to Bukit Tinggi. I don't want this family to break apart, just like last time that we nearly broke apart. If I straightaway storm out of the house, the family would be in broken pieces. When I handed him to the farm keeper Abang Saifuddin, I dropped several tears silently. Seeing Blackie looking around innocently and trying to get close to me I can't hold out any longer. I cried. My sisters, who was bringing Whitey and Brownie, also cried when they handed over the two rabbits. My mother also shed tears, but I ignored her completely. I didn't speak to her heartily for a long time.

It was proved to be a wrong move. Not long after we sent them there, Abang Saifuddin called us to inform that Blackie was infected by diarrhea, a disease that could kill rabbits. Hearing that we immediately rushed there and request for Blackie's condition. Too bad he's very weak, and his genitals was covered in faeces. My sisters cried at the sight, and I felt my eyes watering. I stroked him gently, praying to god to save him one more time. But god doesn't want to give him a chance. Just after the day we visited him, Blackie passed away. We went there on the third day after visiting to take him back after my earth-wrecking argument with my mother only to be told by Abang Saifuddin that Blackie died. My sisters burst into tears immediately, my mother was shocked to tears, and I, who have swore to keep my expressions invisible, failed and start falling tears. I went over to a cut-down log and sat on it. My mother keep on ranting about her regret and remorse, but I was not listening. Gone. My only source of happiness was gone. I wanted to shout at my mother to tell her everything was too late. I hate her for that moment. But after some time, I calmed down and schooled my face into nothing. I didn't speak for the whole journey back to home, and my face expressionless. My sisters were still crying when we entered the house, my mother looking regretful and I went in without any word. For the whole week I became ice cold, ignoring people and not talking. I will never ever let anything that I love get sent away again. Never.

After that my whole personality change, even though I looked the same. Normally I would be energetic like Blackie, acting childish and being the happy one. But after that I became cool and cold hearted, just like my second mind. This personality suits my second mind well, and it keep on activating and making me hurting many other people. Then, I decided to change a little bit, to became more friendly when anyone was around. But whenever I'm alone, I would turn back into the silent, cold hearted ice man. The mask that I had wore since standard 1 became thicker and no one was able to see through me. No one in this world. Even Volden had only saw a quarter of it.

On March, Abang Saifuddin called to inform that Whitey also passed away. Whitey was another energetic one, even though she's female. She's quite aggressive, but funny at the same time. She would do binkies whenever she runs, just like Blackie, and she likes to sleep alot. She's very lazy, but when she runs she can run very fast. She also can jump very high, once she jumped onto the cabinet, which was several inches lower than my waist. She's a bossy rabbit, she likes to snatch other rabbits' food. When I received the news I kept my posture calm, but my heart was torn again. Again I felt the hatred towards my mother, but I died it down immediately. I am not that childish anymore. My second sister, who loves Whitey more than Blackie, also kept calm but I can see that she's bleeding inside. We all were very sad. I tried to convince my mother to bring Brownie back to avoid her from getting taken away from god but she gave me an excuse which is we don't have anymore cages. I didn't ask her anymore, because I'm tired of it. Tired of trying to save everything that I couldn't save. Who am I? Superman? Hn. Seriously, I don't care anymore.

These three rabbits had decorated my life with some wonderful lights, and it will always be there. Especially Blackie, I would never forget him. Now I had taken a liking to rabbits, especially when one of them looks like Blackie. I'm sure that I will find another rabbit that looks like Blackie as a pet, I don't care about my mother's obstruction any more. I won't be defeated that easily.